It’s 5 a.m. I can’t sleep. This is the third day this week. Insomnia is the worst it’s been in a long time. I’m experiencing racing thoughts, an overactive bladder (like every 5 minutes overactive) and a lot of twitching (or spasms). I’ve also had chills the last two days. I usually find myself going between hot flashes and chills.
I’m feeling frustrated and hopeless.
When I don’t sleep I feel physically terrible. I’ll feel hungover all day, today. I hate that feeling. I hate that no sleep, now, means I’ll be useless all day. It cuts into my goals and plans for that day.
Yesterday, I felt mentally ‘checked out.’ I didn’t want to talk and I didn’t want to listen, either.
There’s no denying menopause has been a little hard on me this week. I think I’m not getting enough exercise. When I exercise regularly, I feel better. I sleep better. At this phase in life, sleep is so important to overall good health.
I’ve been binge watching shows. Reading and writing. I know what the sleep experts say. They say shut your phone off. But whoever said that has never experienced hormonal shifts or menopause. No doubt, the expert is a man.
When I have these menopause episodes I liken them to fevers . Eventually they’ll break and I feel good, again. But until then, I feel terrible.
I’m so tired I want to yell, scream, curse and punch the air. Instead, I’ll just wait it out. Plan to stay home all day. And get outside and do some exercise.
I’ve been so behind in posting, lately. It’s been a crazy-busy time here. One thing after another. And then there’s the days I just need to take a pause. A MENO-pause. The lack of hormones I produce in menopause seem to worsen certain days of the month. I call it “a dip.” And it’s a dip I feel as soon as it happens.
It’s very reminiscent of the PMS I used to get during my menstrual cycle. There’s about 7 to 10 days, every month, where I feel PMS-like for days at a time.
During this time I cope with a variety of symptoms from hating my clothes and everything about myself to feeling extremely sluggish. My memory fails the most in the dip. I can’t remember ANYTHING. People. Places. Things. And as for writing…well…I lose my ability to convey my thoughts, express my feelings or even form full sentences.
I’m in “the dip” now. It drives me mad.
That’s partly why there’s a lag between my posts.’ Just when I thought I’d overcome inconsistency, I realize that a major reason why I’m so inconsistent and behind is because menopause symptoms interfere with how my brain works. I’m in the midst of writing about this topic, now. I plan to have an interview with a brain doc, soon. Maybe we can learn more.
With all that said, I think we have two choices when we find ourselves in uncomfortable spots: learn to navigate life with them, or give up altogether. I’m not going to lie to you. I was close to giving up on blogging. I found myself thinking that maybe, after all I’ve been through, I’ve lost my ability to write, tell a story or pretty much do anything else since menopause descended upon me.
That’s a hard pill to swallow. I mean, I used to work for a Pulitzer-Prize winning publication. How can this happen? Did I forget who I was? After awhile it occurred to me, I started the blog for a number of reasons. One of them was to help me work through these challenges. Challenges I now have after fighting cancer, going through chemo and NOW coping with menopause. I think even the best in the world would have challenges after surviving something that big. So, I’ll be back. I have to stick with this. The end benefit is for me.
Do you have something that challenges you? Will you share it in the comments section? How do you cope with your setbacks?
Wherever you are, I hope you can find time to relax over the weekend and take a break from the bad news.
Relax. Breathe. Shelve the heavy topics if you can.